Holiday Cheer Can Bring Holiday Tears

December 1st is once again looming before me. December 1st will mark 11 years since T.J. left this earth. My heart is heavy. I feel the tears building up in the back of my throat just waiting to spill out at any moment. All around the holiday season is in full swing. It happens every year, but still I am never prepared. I want to be the person who brings peace and joy to others. I don’t want to be the person who feels that taking a step forward is just too much, but every year as December 1st creeps up my footsteps get heavier and pushing forward gets harder.

I have no doubt I will continue to move forward. My footsteps will lighten, I will find peace in my heart and the weight of T.J.’s death will be balanced by the joy he brought into my world. But I understand that I need to feel what I feel and allow the waves of sadness to overtake me at times and then allow myself to find my footing once again. I will find holiday cheer, but will forgive myself for the holiday tears and will hold thoughts of those tears close as I relate to others who may be dealing with the pain of loss or sorrow.

My wish for this holiday season is that we may all find the grace of kindness and understanding that we are all just doing the best we can. So many are dealing with heartache in one form or another and the constant call for holiday cheer can overshadow holiday tears that may be hiding. In the beauty of lights and the excitement brought on by the season may we look deeper into each other’s hearts and respect the pain this life brings and give thanks for the moments of joy. May we be grateful for family and friends and extend a hand to those who are not so blessed to be surrounded by love and support.

While my tears flow from missing my boy who never got to be a man I will find the holiday cheer in the true meaning of this season—the LOVE that surrounds us every minute of every day. I will find the cheer in my sons who have grown into men with purpose and warmth and sensitivity, in my beautiful soon to be daughter-in-law and my husband who is so steadfast. I will find the cheer in my family and friends who continue to walk this journey of life with me and to all those kind souls who offer a smile, a hug and the offer to help in so many situations.

So as I feel what I feel, I am also sending wishes to all for peace this holiday season and the hope that if you have a need for holiday tears you allow them to flow and then are able to feel the LOVE I am sending to you.

Posted with love and T.J. hugs